Most of the things that are important to us and how we behave is the result of our early learning.
Even when people cant really be classified as things, the way how we look at our better halves (boyfriends, girlfriends or spouses) is the way our (I have to use this term) emotionally retarded mind processes this information and usually, it is in a form of property.
For some people, this article will be mind blowing and I am aiming for this group, as relationships can grow to be dangerous to some point and the only thing that lies behind it is our own immaturity, which can have a lifelong span.
So, when we grow up, we have to be certain that we actually did grow up and growing up brings you all the personal freedoms that exist in this world, but there is a danger to grow up, but remain damaged by the early childhood and not figuring this one out.
You have probably heard off all the cases of suicide attempts by teenagers, where the major trigger is some unrequited love. We may freely refer to it as mental instability and it does happen to older people as well, but perhaps not so much in suicide attempts as to result of depression and other bad mood sensations.
What lies behind it?
Well, we already gave an answer, it is the instability. There is a childish need to “own” someone and if someone else takes it, it is as a great personal harm was done to you, but in fact, how can you own someone? Just ask yourself, does someone possesses you?
You may ask yourself “How much hatred can one love produce?” The answer is at least two. Now think of it, for the love that you are giving to another, you will hate the idea of that another loving someone else and you will hate the idea of someone else loving an another.
So, it is a fabrication of mind again, a restriction to everyone around you, but except you!
Deeper logic lies again deep in our minds. It is the last layer of our mind which prevents you from complete freedom and joy.
This layer is fear!
Why do we always search for someone? Why can’t we be alone? Why we have this strong need to possess?
It is fear and this fear is the result of a modern way of life not to mention modern learning, which can have religious foundation and from early age will tell you not to cheat, not to have more than one lower, it is a life full of restrictions and fear that you are doing something wrong, but finally the fear of being left alone.
The successful relationship can exist only if both sides respect complete personal freedom, which would lead to a friendly relationship, which finally is the greatest foundation for a successful relationship.
I am not encouraging you to go around and have multiple partners, but you should have a freedom to do so if you like because you have this freedom and there is no one that can take it away from you but yourself.
Once you realize that and if you speak to your couple about it, you can learn a lot about each other and see how restricted really are you in your personal freedoms.
It is sometimes hard to realize these things and I may get back to the brain poisoning again, but there are many things that have a lot of value to us, just because we have been said so. Love for our country, for our things, for our people, for our family, but everything that is usurped finally leads to some form of hatred, which is the result of fear.
So the most common relationship looks like this:
Step 1. Lot’s of pretending
We always seem to show that we are more than we actually are.
Step 2. The “ugly” but the amusing truth
This is when you start living together and accept that you are not ideal, but ordinary human being. It will include farting, dirty underwear, well actually revealing all that you are and have tried to hide so much in step 1.
Step 3. Boredom
This step is the child in us. As you have become tired of some toy when you were a kid, you become tired of the person as well when you are an adult, because repetition is something that troubles human mind. And this step is crucial for you to develop as a person.
Step 4. Learning to love
This step is the last an the most important one. This is when for the first time you have the choice to love someone else except yourself and allow yourself to accept personal freedoms of another and also to start doing things for the other and occasionally sacrifice your freedoms.
To have a freedom to sacrifice your freedom!
In a modern world, step 3. is the farthest step for most of the relationships as people become bored, the questions like “Is this how my life will look like and will be?”, but we shouldn’t blame our partners for it, we shouldn’t be childish, fed up, bored by people as they are not things and jumping from one to the next means that you are missing something and not the people you are with.
It is the truth, that we shouldn’t be tied, that we have the full right to freedom and to live our life as we choose, but then we have to be very careful not to make fake promises.
There is a big difference between a love story and a real life, especially having the family.
From my perspective I can say for sure, that after taking care for my two daughters, I found great respect for all the sacrifice that all the women are doing from the dawn of mankind and I would suggest that every man tries to do what women are doing freely, try to have a job, look after your kids, cook, clean and wash and still keep the love which is necessary to raise children as healthy people.
There is a great philosophical expression which described freedom in mankind, saying where freedom of one begins, freedom of another end.
To have a successful relationship, people should look after each other’s freedom and not to be a selfish bastard, as most of the men are, there are no lies about it. I have to admit of being one, but thanks to intelligence, not for too long.
I could get into problems, fights all the bad feelings and situations which may occur between two individuals, that is the dangerous part, as relationships may turn to a nightmare and it is life draining. For those people, I can only offer advice on change. There are no perfect matches, you won’t burn in hell, you shouldn’t care what society will think, it is your life and if something is not working (it could be you in the first place), you have two people to save, you and your partner, so…..End it!
Finally, remember that whatever you do, yo do it to yourself first!
I have to add the comment to one article which I have read, as it is a great article about relationships:
“I love your article, but as everything, it is not easy to answer the question about the perfect relationship. It is and it is not all about us! There is Me, You and Us always involved and if you wouldn’t be selfish in a monetary view and all of our belongings are ours, that doesn’t mean that you won’t have a partner sitting in a bar every night.”
First of all, it is all individual and it starts with a choice if you will be living your life or dying your life!
If both partners decide to live their lives, that is a key for successful relationship.”
It was Anthony Moore’s: https://medium.com/the-mission/why-most-people-will-never-have-great-relationships-bffc4152e978
….. I do invite you to read my other articles, but especially the simple truth about life……
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This article is intended to make you feel better about yourself and be able to find and enjoy Selfness. But remember Selfness is not Selfishness.